Son

Son jokes

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My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.

I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.

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    • Gf: Hi.

    Bf: Hi.

    Gf: Did you eat yet?

    Bf: Did you eat yet?

    Gf: Are you copying me?

    Bf: Are you coping me??

    Gf: I love you.

    Bf: Yeah, I ate already.

    Why do planets circle the sun?

    'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.

    Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

    Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

    Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

    Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

    Son: And you got $0.00.

    Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

    Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

    Son: I hate you!

    Hey Gwen, next time you're online can you go to "son jokes".

    I commented back to you and portory.

    Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!

    Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!

    Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!

    Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?

    Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

    Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

    Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

    Mom: Okay......

    Dad: He's grounded.

    Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

    Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

    Mom: Soon honey, soon....

    Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

    Mom: Son, did you go to school?

    Son: What if I said yes?

    Mom: You are in school! *slap*

    Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

    Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

    Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

    Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

    Son: Good.

    Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

    If you like it, please commit down.

    Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

    Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

    Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

    Mom: Well, I made you.

    Son: Dad, can I get a girlfriend?

    Dad: Son, no, you are only 10, so no.

    Son: Dad, I'm leaving to get a girlfriend.

    Dad: Son, nooo, you are not my son!

    Son: What did you say? *Son slaps the dad.*

    Dad: Good, son, goodbye, get out of my home.

    Son: Good, you can go move to a new home.

    Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?

    Son: No, I got 1k already.

    Mom: Wait, what, how?

    Son: Mom's wallet is magic.

    So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

    Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

    Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

    Son: Mom, what is money made of?

    Mom: Paper.

    Son: Where does paper come from?

    Mom: . . .

    Son: Daddy?

    Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy? You're 11 years old, feminine gay hoe.

    Son: Whoa!? Daddy, what's that?

    Dad: Wtf are you talking about?

    Son: Your dick has gotten more tastier?

    Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc

    Dad: Oh nope, I'm not having a gay hoe's fiend in my house, no quit looking at my dick, you need some pussy.

    Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz

    Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em

    Mom: What the fugde is going on?

    Dad: Our son's a gay bitch.

    Mom: Language! So? I need to teach him how to like a girl huh?

    Dad: Yes Ma'am, plz.

    Mom: Okay. Herman, get your gay ass in my bed but naked, I'll be there in 10.

    Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!??

    Mom: Quit cursing, I'm gonna fuck u extra hard!!

    Son: Ewww, I'm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww.

    Mom: Shut it!!!, or I'm gonna recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies (pussy naked)* and show this to ur gay fuck friends!

    Son: Huh

    Son: Mom FUCK U*

    Mom: Okay baby I'm gonna fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off

    Son: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

    Son: Moms are the worst, are they?

    Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh

    There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.

    Why did they only come home with 3 fish?

    (Answer)

    There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.

    If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?

    My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

    DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

    SON: Why?

    DAD: You're going to need them.