Something jokes

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?

Panera instead.

When cops say you have the right to remain silent,

You're just happy you have the right to do something.

If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......

Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga

YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!

I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied "why fix what ain't broke?"

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."

Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.

Jayden March, a name so bold, Never knew the joy of cookies untold. In a world of sugar and sweet delight, He stood apart, an unusual sight.

While others indulged in sugary bliss, Jayden abstained, dismissing the kiss Of chocolate chips and dough so divine, His willpower strong, his resolve intertwined.

No oatmeal raisin or double fudge, Could tempt his taste buds, not even a nudge. For Jayden March, a different path he took, In a world of cookies, he never partook.

His reasons unknown, a mystery untold, Perhaps he sought something purer than gold. Or maybe he craved a different kind of treat, One that couldn't be found in a cookie sheet.

But as the years passed by, curiosity grew, Whispers of wonder, questions anew. Why did Jayden March deny such delight? Was there a secret hidden in his resolute fight?

Some say he found solace in nature's embrace, In the rustle of leaves and the wind's gentle pace. Others believed his heart sought a different reward, In acts of kindness, love freely poured.

Jayden March, a man of mystery and grace, Marched to a beat only he could embrace. In a world of cookies, he found his own way, Leaving us wondering, pondering day by day.

For though he never tasted the sweetness of a treat, Jayden March's story remains incomplete. A reminder to us all, to explore and define, Our own desires, our own paths to find.

So let us celebrate Jayden's unique choice, And listen to the whisper of our own inner voice. For in a world of cookies, may we remember, That sometimes it's the journey, not the taste, we treasure.

I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.