Someone's

Someone's jokes

Friend

    • Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.

    Someone's memes

    Wife

    • My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

    Game

    • You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

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    • Stereotype

    • My friends think I'm bipolar. I threw a pencil case at someone and I walked out, walked back in 2 seconds later and I was sunshines and rainbows.

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    • Donut

    • A donut is not empty inside, that was a hole in the middle. If I'm a donut, the hole used to be where I put my feeling and happiness, but people snatch it away from me.

    Anyway, can someone put a hole in my physical body too? I kinda wanted to see people cry for me just like how people cry for Ace from One Piece.

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    • Song

    • My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

    Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

    Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

    Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

    Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

    Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

    Cage

    • When you're in a cage But it's not real!

    Being in a cage But you have the key.

    Being in a cage But nobody sees you.

    Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.

    Living and realizing you've been born into one.

    Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.

    But you can't live without them.

    The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.

    Newfoundland

    • A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.

    Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.

    "I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."

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    • Motorcycle

    • So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

    During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

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