Someone's jokes
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁
Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"
Like if you think someone is gay.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
At least someone chose Pikachu.
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.
What do you say to someone's mom?
"You mom gay."
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
Say this when showing this website to someone: "You know, it's too bad this website doesn't have a homepage."
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
It's sad someone has ligma.
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."