Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
Orphans are really out here taking selfies.
Nah bro, that's a family photo.
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
One depressed kid goes to high-five a tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?
I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."
An emo tried to give me a high five...
I left him hanging.
Do you know Candice?
Nope.
Candice dick fit in your mouth.
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
