My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.
Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.
What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.
My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.
When you tell your Roblox girlfriend you’re breaking up with her, and then 10 seconds later you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.
I just left him hanging.
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
Hi, I'm new.
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not him, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"
