Social Interaction jokes

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

Bully: Shut up.

Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."

It's sad someone has ligma.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

Who wants to fight!? Hate?! And pick on each other through the comments.

ANYONE?

Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!

What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”

He hid in her attic.

You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.

They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!

You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈

What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

"May I push your stool in?"

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

What happens when a depressed kid tries to give a tree a high five?

The tree leaves him hanging :)

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"

What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

Me: Hi Kallen.

Kallen: Hi.

Me: You're too big to fit in my car.

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"