Size jokes

You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.

I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.

When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.

Name an ant which is very heavy?

Eleph-ant.

Yo mama so fat, she wears Orion's belt!

Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.

The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."

What's the only good thing about being an orphan?

All snacks are family sized!

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.

Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.

Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

Why do women hate having sex with midgets?

Because of their shortcomings.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

Yo mama so fat, Thanos had to snap twice.

Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.