Size jokes
Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
Name an ant which is very heavy?
Eleph-ant.
Yo mama so fat, she wears Orion's belt!
Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.