Silence jokes
What did the south tower say to the north tower? It said: nothing.
9/11 joke.
Russia: "Silence."
Ukraine: Help...
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
What did the Joker say to Harley Quinn?
Nothing.
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.
My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2.
He never talks about it.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
what do baby’s and grenades have in common?
They both are silent but then when thrown at someone make a loud noise
How do you stop a baby from crying?
You drown it.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the idiot.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
*Silence*
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
