Shot jokes
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"
He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"
"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.
Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?
It had nine shots and seven chasers!
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"
Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...
Well nvm, they shot him dead.
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.