Short jokes
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Why do rappers love the gym?
'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.
Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!
What do you call a tall terrorist?
Osama Bin Laden.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
Why don’t orphans live in villages?
Because they will get abandoned.
When you're born on 4/20/69...
Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.
What's white at the front and black at the back? A bus.
Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?
But he really saved the History Channel.
She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”
The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”
Mom: “Exactly.”
How are orphans like broken pencils?
Neither of them have points.
What show do orphans relate to? I'm going with "The Hunger Games."