Short jokes
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?
A Tyrannosaurus Tex.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
Why was 6 so afraid of 7?
7 killed 6's parents.
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
A ginger.
Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.