Short jokes
The only thing they can see are their chopsticks.
To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.
What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?
They go to infinity and beyond.
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
Why don’t I like shafting?
It feels squishy.
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?
Still being in the orphanage at 13.
Once you’ve seen a shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
What is cold and alone?
An orphan's parent.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((
Which train is loaded with bubble gum?
A chew-chew train.
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.