Short jokes
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...
One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.
"What?" Angelica replied.
"I'm a guy."
Q: How tall was Hitler's grass? A: *Hitler salute* about this high!
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?
Still being in the orphanage at 13.
I get jealous when my phone dies.
Once you’ve seen a shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.
When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((
Which train is loaded with bubble gum?
A chew-chew train.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.