I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
Short Jokes
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.
What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.
Why is it bad to high five an emo?
They will leave themselves hanging.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
Pokemon: What’s Wailmer’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
What did one Geodude say to the other Geodude?
Let’s rock!
I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?
He said “Wynaut.”
What do you call a daredevil Weedle who does stunts on a motorcycle?
Weedle Knievel.
What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon?
“Kakuna Rattata!”
How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a Golbat.
What mountain cries the most?
A mountain under water.
What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.
Banana!
Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?
Because his dad never came back with the milk.
