Short jokes
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
My anxiety has anxiety.
Better Friday the 13th than any Monday.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me what you did?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.
They called the song “Helen Keller.”
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
What’s the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?
He has family ties.
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.