Short jokes
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
What is a dirty minded Harry Potter fan's favorite spell before the deed? Dickus Embigus!
Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?
It rocked!
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Clap em sis!
Hellen Keller went to go grab her bouncy balls.
Man: Ouch!
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
Here comes the plane... the twins. ☠️
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
Why are people disappointments? Because you are reading this.
What is white and 9 inches?
Nothing.
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.