Short jokes
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
What do birds and planes have in common?
They both fly into building windows.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, Mike Pence's hair is made of glue.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
What's a dead person's favorite sentence?
"I made it."
Why do white people carry Confederate flags?
To remind us that they are losers.
God said the first person to kill Hitler goes to heaven.
Hitler: Kills himself.
Gwen, hi, this is well, I am not saying, are you a girl? I thought you were a girl, but I could be wrong.
Your mom is so stupid, she thought eating ass was cannibalism.
Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?
A: I don't know.
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.