Short jokes
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
"Alexa, open Kahoot!"
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."
Me: "I like it well done."
Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"
Ashten Parkes
"Sharing is communism."
Apple created the iPhone X for orphans because they don't have a home.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore β my face should be among them.
Is that my student?
Na! It is Jesus!
Your hairline caused the solar flare.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
Why do emos love the winter? Because of the long sleeves.
What's 1 + 1?
My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?
Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
If I was an object in this world, Iβd be a glass! Because if you leave me when Iβm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?