Short jokes
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
I named my iPod "Titanic." It's syncing now.
Why is James depressed?........ because he's a bitch.
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
Why are lesbians so bad at math? They can't multiply.
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
Why do I support slavery?
Because I’m white.
What’s positive in Africa?
HIV/AIDS.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!