Short jokes
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.
Yo momma so stupid, she pooped in the shower.
What did the airplane say to the tower? Allahu Akbar!
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
Yo mama so tall!!! When she wakes up from her bed, she stands up and finds NASA beside her face, and she thinks it's a fly!!!
Why do anions hate each other?
Because they can't handle the negativity!
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
Why does Stephen Hawking need some screens?
He needs to win those Fortnite tournaments and get to Champions League.
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
How do you call a very long terrorist?
9/11.
I think my dad loves jokes.
Because he laughs when he looks at me.
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!
Why does your mom hate you?
Because you are a loser.