Short jokes
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.
"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
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Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.
I once made a belt out of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.