Short jokes
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.
All that work wasted.
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
Where do T. Rexes shop? Dino-stores.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.