Short jokes
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
Where do T. Rexes shop? Dino-stores.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.
All that work wasted.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
Your forehead is so big that it couldn’t handle an acute angle.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
Is Gwen still on this app thing?
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
What is speedrunner's favorite type of food? FAST FOOD!
Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.
A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"