Short jokes
Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?
Sally.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
What do you call a lazy piece of meat?
A meatloaf.
"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
Why were the 1800s so crazy?
Because of Hairriet Tubman.
I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
What is the giant's synonyms?
Fi, fo, fum.
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.