Short jokes

Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?

Turns out it was just a phase.

That joke didn't land well, did it?

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.

What do depressed people do when they’re bored?

They “Hang” Out.

You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.

Just not for long!

I suffered The Great Depression.

Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.

"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."

Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)

Sister: I don't want to do it, but...

Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.

Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.

What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.

What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.

What did one butthole say to the other?

"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"