Short jokes
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Happy new year! 🥳
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."