Short jokes
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Why did the shark spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny!
Spell Mississippi.
M-I-S-S-I-P-P~
Haha you said pp.
Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack had a shock and a mouth full of cock, and Jill's real name was Randy.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.