Short jokes

What was the first sport played on the moon?

Capture the flag.

What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!

Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?

Son: Ok dad.

AFTER TEST

Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?

Son: Son?

What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?

A Mexican.

Don't do suicide, that shit kills.

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.

I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.

Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?

Because the joke needs parental guidance.

What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?

The Jackson 4.

Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.

A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."

Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.

What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?

I don’t like the taste of broccoli.

This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

What's an orphan's least favorite store?

Family Dollar.

What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?

"Family strong, but not that strong."