Short jokes
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Glock 46.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.