Short jokes
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?
Everything.
How do mountains see? They peek.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philipe Philope.
Roses are red, fishers are fishing,
I really hope you’ll be reported missing.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waste of time.