Short jokes
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
George Floyd is truly breathtaking.
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
For all the Harry Potter fans:
A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?