Short jokes

When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.

Why is Russia invading Ukraine?

«Мы хотим вернуть Советский Союз!»

dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(

what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?

"Here Comes the Sun."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Queen.

Queen who?

You don't know the queen? You're crazy!

Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.

What do you call a bacon from Chernobyl?

Technoblade!

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.

Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.

What if your Corona test is neutral?

Friend: Wanna hear a joke?

Other Friend: Sure.

Friend: Pussy.

Other Friend: I don't get it.

Friend: And you never will.

I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.

Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!

What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.