Short jokes
People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Why do gay people like sports?
Because they get to play with balls.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.