Short jokes
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?
The class divides.
Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?
A JUMBO shrimp.
Yo mama is so old, she is the founder of the pyramid of Egypt.
I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.