Short jokes
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
Women suck (GET IT?!)
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Q. What's the most musical bone?
A. The trom-bone!
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
How do mountains see? They peek.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
What’s Stephan Hawking's favorite dance move?
The robot.
What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.