Short jokes
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
What is the best game for a deaf person?
Charades.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
"Explain bear is a homosexual, confirmed."
I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.
Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
I think fat people took the Hunger Games a little too seriously.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.