Short jokes
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the World Trade Center.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
Nobody:
Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.