Short jokes
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.