Short jokes
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Why do priests play Geometry Dash? Cuz they can beat Demons.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
Olivia Rodrigo
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?
Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.