Short jokes
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
I'm not gay, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.