Short jokes

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.

What's the difference between cake and pie?

πr2, cakes are round.

Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)

To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!

Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.

I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.

I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.

Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?

To drown herself.

Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.

I'm a rapist.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

bradley

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."