Short jokes
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.