Short jokes
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
Imagine Africans during a solar eclipse...
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
What's the difference between cake and pie?
πr2, cakes are round.
Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?
To drown herself.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.