Short jokes
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
What's the best thing about midgets??
They don't need to bend while giving blowjobs.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.