Short jokes
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
What is 80 feet wide and has 22 teeth?
Answer: The front row of a Trump Rally!
I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.
But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
A block of gold walked into a bar. The bartender said, “AU, get out!”
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs?
Because they're EGGstinct!
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!