Short jokes
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕
What do you call a vagina with teeth?
A vicious cunt.
I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
New civil war themed porn title: “Harriet Tubman gets hit with something other than an iron ingot.”
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see a floor show.
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
Pizza Hut.
What do you call a steak that tastes bad?
A MISsteak.