Short jokes
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see a floor show.
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
Pizza Hut.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
What do you call a steak that tastes bad?
A MISsteak.
What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?
A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.