Short jokes
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.
What has tree roots and what do I have for kids? What is the difference between a human and a used tire?
Tree roots are under the tree, and used tires are under the Hummer.
I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏
What’s a downy's favorite song? Down Under.
What are Africans' favorite game to play? Hungry hippos.
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?
WALKING!
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"