Short jokes
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
Can bees fly higher than Mt. Everest? No? Actually, they can. Mt. Everest can't fly.
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What's an orphan's favorite song?
"Gimme Shelter."
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF!"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!