Short jokes
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What's an orphan's favorite song?
"Gimme Shelter."
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF!"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.