Short jokes

It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.

I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

What do orphans be on Halloween?

They be themselves.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

Paul's favorite car.

A Carrera GT.

My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.

What is an orphan's favorite movie?

Home Alone.

When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.

I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.

I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.

I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"

Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.

A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.

I just left him hanging.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!

Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!