Short jokes
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
A girl named Sally has no arms.
"KNOCK KNOCK"
She never answered...
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!