Short jokes
I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.
If you know, you know. 😏😏
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.
When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.