Short jokes
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
What do you call a person in a wheelchair with a speaker?
Rolling Loud 🎸🎸
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.
When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.
If you know, you know. 😏😏
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"