Short jokes
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?
He took away their ottoman!
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.