Short jokes
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
What do emos like to do when they're sad?
They play violin on their wrists.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
What is an orphan's favorite period? Homeroom.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
What do you call an emo with no legs?
Emobile.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!