Short jokes
Your tits look heavy. Need help holding them up?
Free service for tit holding!
What is a little zombie's favorite stuffed animal?
It's a deady bear.
What is the difference between Drake and Carrie Underwood?
Carrie Underwood kissed a 12-year-old boy on the lips.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Explain Bear is my favorite.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.