Short jokes
I love all races, even the bad ones.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."