Short jokes

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.

A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.

What am I?

Answer: a Riddle.

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"

Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Why did piglet go to the bathroom?

To search for Poo.

I just shed my pants.

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Your uncle.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?

Both are sick and twisted.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?

Jacks and 5.

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer.

A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."

Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."

I have a lot of respect for trans women.

That surgery takes balls!

What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?

Condoms.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?

A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.