Short jokes
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.