Short jokes
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
Actually, Iron Man is female.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.