Short jokes
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"