Short jokes
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!
Could a parking garage also be called a broom closet?
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.
I see them hang all day.
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
Uh, six teachers are annoying. Thank God I am not getting picked on at school or on this website.
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?
They wait to be filled with a big load.
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.