Short jokes
When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?
“Chip Chip Hooray!”
When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
I just shed my pants.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!
Could a parking garage also be called a broom closet?
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.