Short jokes
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
What do you call a person in a wheelchair with a speaker?
Rolling Loud 🎸🎸
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.