Short jokes
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
If I'm racist to everybody, am I even racist?
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.