Short jokes
What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?
Why do orphans hate school?
No field trips. Parent signature_____________.
Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:
11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
The Titanic is now a resort for fish.