Short jokes
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’