Short jokes
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
What's a fish's least favorite instrument?
A ClariNET!
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’