Short jokes
I just shed my pants.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
What's a Mexican's favorite insect? A grasshopper.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.