Short jokes
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
What is the difference between Drake and Carrie Underwood?
Carrie Underwood kissed a 12-year-old boy on the lips.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
Explain Bear is my favorite.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.