Short jokes

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?

Nothing.

Why do black men have nightmares?

Because the only one that had a dream got shot.

If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.

The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a good driver.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?

A stroke of luck :)

Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.

I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

Why did piglet go to the bathroom?

To search for Poo.

I just shed my pants.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.