Short jokes
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.
Your tits look heavy. Need help holding them up?
Free service for tit holding!
What is a little zombie's favorite stuffed animal?
It's a deady bear.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
What is the difference between Drake and Carrie Underwood?
Carrie Underwood kissed a 12-year-old boy on the lips.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
Explain Bear is my favorite.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.