I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
Short Jokes
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
1 like = 1 more missile aimed at a hospital.
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
