Short jokes
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?
Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
A high school pill party.
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
POV there’s a school shooting.
American: First time, European?
European: Yeah, you American?
American: No, not my first time.
Why do orphans hate school?
No field trips. Parent signature_____________.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.
I would tell you a recycling joke.
But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
Why do black men have nightmares?
Because the only one that had a dream got shot.
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
Segma says, "32!"
Ligma Says, "And?"
Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."