Short jokes
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
"Your pussy is sweeter than Mom's," Brother admired his sister.
"I know," replied Sister. "Father told me too."
Rock, paper, lesbians.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.