Short jokes
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?
She thought she was black.
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
What sucks but doesn't suck?
Vacuums!
What's the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?
Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
What do you call a bee’s love?
Honey.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.