Short jokes
what was sally's role in a football game?
the football ;-;
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.
Why can't you tell anyone about space?
Because it's too out of this world!
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!