Short jokes
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?
She thought she was black.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!