Short jokes

How do you name a disabled Asian?

Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.

I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.

A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.

I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!

Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.

Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.

Rock, paper, lesbians.

What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?

Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.

How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?

For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

My stepdad beat my ass before he left.