Short jokes
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?
Do you want to hang later?
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
Why can’t the blind man find love?
It’s called love at first sight.
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
I would roast you but you're already so hot.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy".
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"