Short jokes

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

What do you call a rich white man? Cracker with Cheese!

What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?

An Amish Mechanic.

Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.

what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.

Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."

How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.

What do you say to a fat Asian?

You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.

What do you do when your baby starts screaming?

Use more lube.

A starving homeless kid asks me for food.

I said, "sorry, my plate is full."

What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.

Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.

I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.

A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.

Me: Guess who came crawling right back?

I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!