Short jokes
Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?
A: Retired Farming Machinery.
You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”
*Apple bottom jeans plays*
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?
She thought she was black.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.