Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage? A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights
Why are feminists jealous of men? because men don't have to stand up to piss
When you send her a dick pic but then she sends you one right back...
The ones you hate most are also the one who is by your side most.
Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.
The happier they get, the less they see.
what do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai ping
The sexual shout "Yes Daddy" probably originated in alabama
What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary? One of them knows the definition of no.
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?
A: Wanna hang out?
Why are so many Americans stupid? Cause they shoot the ones that go to school
What's a depressed persons favourite drink
Depresso espresso
Nah just kidding it's bleach
1273 depression got the best of me, i'm gonna cry in my room now
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
Why are feminists always against men? because men can piss with something that they can't piss with dicks
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i've got a great spot! me: *grabs nuce and runs to my closet*
