Short jokes

Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.

So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.

What's the difference between a maze and a depressed life? One of them you can find a way out of.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

They say people are 75% water.

But I'm 100% useless.

what happens when the president turns emo?

the great depression.

If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

Yes, I'm CUTE.

C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?

A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.

What starts with M and ends with arriage?

Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child.

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.