Why are feminists always against men? because men can piss with something that they can't piss with dicks
like it if you judge peoples hair lines
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i've got a great spot! me: *grabs nuce and runs to my closet*
- Mommy, i want a bicycle !! - Shut up Sam! You've already have your wheelchair!
Why do the japanese hate Christmas???
Becasue the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population
Girl: how much do you love me Me: count the stars in the sky Girl awww it’s infinite Me no just a waste of time
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere
I like my people how I like my tea..
In a bag under water.
best friend makes 9/11 joke
you: hey my dad was inside the tower
best friend: im sorry
you: I always knew he was a great pilot
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way
My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common They both say “my moms gonna kill me”
I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth
Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny bc no parents are gonna be told
What do u call a blind dinosaur? *do-u-think-he-saur-us*
