Short jokes
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
That shirt's very becoming on you.
If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.
Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
My mom is bad and my dad is bad.
You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.
Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
What's the name of a crazy crap that wins everything? Winnie da Pooh.
What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?
WALKING!
What do you call sweaty titties?
Humititties.
How does a tree access the internet?
By logging in and branching out!
What is a mouse's favorite movie?
"Sharpay's Fabu-mouse Adventure!"
What's long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
Are you a cheese 🧀 from Denmark? Because your "guta."