Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs, i replied "OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR FUCKING ARMS!"
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
My arm: IM GETTING RIPPED TONIGHT
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
He sang a love song to a rat, yet stans are befuddled on why people keep calling their idol "Wacko Jacko".
Why is the tower of Pisa leaning Because unlike the twin towers it can doge
What do you call a alligator that cant geg hard. A reptile disfunction
What do you call an all you can eat buffet for a Pedophile? A school bus.
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal???
LIFE
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me
What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo
Cutting-edge Technology
roses are red, violates are blue, i don't know why i am still alive for you
Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?
