Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
I like Cheetos.
My sister said that you no that that is really cool than I said you no you can shut up
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A. Ask your mother.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were, I responded "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
What games would deaf people not be good at...
Simon says and Musical chairs
go drop kick a orphan. No one will know not like his parents would know
Book on Micheal Jackson: Issued black:Returned white
Why did the computer go to the doctor ?
Because it had a virus
What’s a hairdressers favorite roast? Flat iron roast
A girl named Sally has no arms. "KNOCK KNOCK" She never answered...
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
Why was 10 scared of 9?
Because 9 8 7.
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn't giving birth the bloody car would not start .
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics They only come out for the Booz
Where do fish keep their money?
In a river-bank!
[god creating alligators] God: see that log? Angel:yes...? God: now fill it with teeth. Angel: say again? God: FILL IT WITH TEETH
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie. I responded "yes" and he said: "okay, 14159"
What is tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
