Short jokes
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
If I'm racist to everybody, am I even racist?
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
Feminists are a joke.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"