Short jokes
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
Congrats to George Floyd on 2 years sobriety.
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.