Short jokes
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
Communists don't play Minecraft.
They play Ourcraft.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
WOW this ultra realistic jenga is awesome!🔥🔥
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.