Short jokes

A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.

Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?

A: Lemon aid.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?

Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)

What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.

WOW this ultra realistic jenga is awesome!🔥🔥

Why do strippers never care about things?

Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.

what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"

Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!

What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?

E.T. eventually went home!

I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.

Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

Why do women hate having sex with midgets?

Because of their shortcomings.

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"