Short jokes
Why was the rapper afraid of ghosts?
Because they kept booing him off stage!
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
Titanic is like our president; it cracks in half and dies.
Why is the sand always pissed off?
Because the sand never waves back!
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
Have they tried switching him off and on again?
I love my family when they're buried alive.
Yo mama so fat that she had to wear a yellow jacket and everyone shouted, "Taxi!"
What is a spaceman’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar!
What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?
Not yo cheese!
You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.
Are you a rope? Let's hang out by a tree and drink :)
I shit on your furniture.
What is the difference between orphans and serial killers?
Serial killers are wanted.