Short jokes
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.
Must be Asian.
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.