Short jokes
Happiness.
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you could read her lips.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?"
"Because I was Russian!"
Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂