Short jokes
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.
Two orphans fighting in the rain.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
My heart says to stop because it hurts.
Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
I finally know why my brain doesn't work!
On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.